Apology Rewind

"Things must be rebuilt - not rewound."
Anyone who knows me knows that I require apologies. If we had a fight and I said I was sorry, I expect an apology in return. I was raised to believe that "I'm sorry" means: I realize I did something wrong and I will try my best to never do it again. Unfortunately, I've found myself in a situation with no apology sent my way. When a "friend" can't admit a wrong-doing, I lose faith in them. That's just a cold, hard fact of maintaining a friendship with me. If I apologize and quickly admit my fault and sincere desire to change my ways in a situation, I hope my "friend" feels the same. My apology is not an open opportunity to brush hurtful actions under the rug and pretend the issue never occurred. My apology is an invitation to rebuild what's been broken and without an apology in return, I don't believe a rebuild will be effective with hurt&faithlessness still lingering.
See Apologize, Please. (...this isn't a new way of feeling for me...)

GoogleBikingIdeas

Joe&I were riding our bikes to the gym yesterday

and a Google Maps car crossed in front of us.

I instinctually smiled at the towers sticking off the top

and shouted, "Am I gonna be on Google!?"

Then my mind went right into: How do I get that job!?

I love driving!

I'd be so good at that job!

NoMoreNickNames

I think I'll stop using nicknames.

It's a pain.

I Don't Get It

...this is the type of sh*t I live with...

...and it drives me fu*king crazy...

French Obsession

I really want to perfect the french language.

I really want to live in Paris or Quebec City.

I really want to reach some of my goals in life.

I'm addicted to shopping for french inspired items on amazon, too.

...Long Time

Young and full of running
tell me where is that taking me?
just a great figure eight
or a tiny infinity?

love is really nothing
but a dream that keeps waking me
for all of my trying
we still end up dying
how can it be?

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
'cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

so young and full of running
all the way to the edge of desire
steady my breathing
silently screaming
I have to have you now

wired and I'm tired
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
Or maybe this mattress will spin on its axis
and find me on yours

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

Edge of Desire - John Mayer

Unknown Reactions

You can never definitively know what you’d do in certain situations.

You can think of options

…claim a passionate stance on one reaction vs. another…

take for instance the reaction Aria’s mom has

in Season 2 of Pretty Little Liars when Mike’s depressed

and hits her to get her out of his room.

She chooses to hide the violence from her husband,

which irritated me because I felt that if he was depressed

he’d need guidance&help

instead of enablement of the issue by ignoring the problem.

I blurted out my opinion

…then thought about it…

I should have gotten her help

when she became violent in her depression.

I should have told people how bad she’d gotten.

I should have done anything but accept&ignore it.

I knew she was hurting

and

I should have known her actions were a cry for help

…in one way or another…

and should have done something about it.

I can say so easily now that I’d help or say something

…

that I’d fight for someone’s mental health if they were acting out

…

that I’d see the signs&symptoms

and

never let anyone slip away again.

 

But I guess that’s not so true

because some people I’ve backed away from

and taken the hint that they cant&wont take my help.

I supposed if someone actually falls completely apart again

I’ll have to deal with my own conscious.

Wedding Food

My dad loves to cook.

And he’s excellent at it.

But he tends to cook more for small gatherings – holidays, church gatherings, etc – not largely attended wedding receptions. For the girl who almost seems to have taken my place (my somehow distant cousin), though, he decided to cater all the food for her 300+ buffet-style wedding reception.

 When he asked me a few months ago if I’d be willing to come to town and help him serve, I quickly said ‘yes’ assuming I’d merely be scooping potatoes or filling drinks. When Saturday morning started bright&early at 9am with a trip to two different stores with dad prior to food prep at the church, though, I quickly realized this simple-serving was going to be much more of a task. And when the help he’d expected in the kitchen never arrived, a family friend alongside my aunt and myself found ourselves frantically cooking while dad did his duties as Master of Ceremonies. After a stove-top fire, a solid 15 minutes running around through the darkness of the power outage, and quite a few spills&mishaps, we got all the food in the buffet line and started serving.
 – Garlic Crusted Pork – Chicken Marcella – Green Beans – Seasoned RedSkin Potatoes – Rolls – Fruit Kabobs –

Everyone loved it, of course – like I said: my dad is an excellent cook. But the stress leading up to the event was pretty intense and the fear on my dad’s face when he caught glimpses of the mayhem in the kitchen broke my heart. All I wanted to do was make sure all his hard work&preparation didn’t go to waste and – in the end – I’m positive it didn’t. And – after the ceremony – lots of people were willing to help clean up in the kitchen. By then, I think my mom&dad were in a sleepless haze, but I was awkwardly aware of how helpful ‘church people’ are willing to be over people at weddings in outside venues.

I guess the sense of family&community is really cute&heartwarming, but potentially nothing I’ll encounter personally.

Spare Miles

We’ve been driving our spare car for the past 2 weeks while Gloria gets fixed.

The spare has seen its share of better days.

Lots&lots of miles.

But still kickin'...

Pretty Smells

I've never had one of these things before.

But I won it at my friend's bachelorette party and it's like scented art.

Pretty neat.

Friendless Memories

“Sometimes you miss the memories, not the person.”
There are people in my life
well, were people in my life
who I’ve cut out
and who I’d care not to have back
but there were times
with those people

that were very worth having.

Chocolate Confidence

It’s wild the way a candy wrapper can actually make me smile so big.

Denim Details

.I.
.love.
.patches.
.rips.
.stitches.
.and.
.details.
.in.
.my.
.denim.

x2

That makes twice now.
Someone’s been caught looking.
When they shouldn't.

.and have no reason to.

Fountain Wishes

I watched a little girl excitedly run up to fountain
near where I was eating my lunch
and
throw a penny in and wish.

(I actually saw an older, non-english speaking woman do the same thing earlier.)

So much excitement for a simple wish.

Adorable.

Sleep&Sunshine

Mr.U is a pretty awful roadtrip buddy.
He falls asleep as soon as he hits the passenger seat.

(if I really need him – he’ll wake up and drive)

Reminds me of my bunni

…

she could never stay awake on roadtrips.

I don’t mind.

My sleepy passengers make me smile.

So did the sunrise this morning.

Magazine Times

I love love love getting magazines in the mail, so when a recent Google Deal offered an incredible discount on 3 subscriptions I had to order one for Mr.U and two for myself.
(Mr.U got a Muscle Mag and I got Marie Claire and Harper’s Bazaar.)
When I discovered the ginormous Fall Fashion issue sitting on the coffee table I was giddy about enveloping myself in its pages. So enjoyed a hit and flipped for hours while snuggled into the couch on yesterday’s chilled, rainy evening.

Braided Mess

I’ve been really into braiding my hair for the crimpy after-effect these days. But the day that the braids are still in has become one of my favorites, too. I braided little mess taking over my head makes me happy.

Scented Coupons

I love Bath & Body Works, but I always end up with so many coupons and I can’t not spend them. So, I end up with way too much lotion and body wash&spray than I’d ever need.

This last trip I discovered the “Carried Away” scent and stocked up on that.

I’m loving it at shower time.

Lady Stickers

I think these stickers people put on the backs of their cars are super tacky.
And creepy.
What if some pedophile was scopin’ out cars with lots of children stickers?

I thought this one was kind of cute, though, since it was clearly all females.