Grandpa&Fiona

So this happened last weekend and melted my heart.

My favorite man on the entire planet smiling&snuggling my baby puppy.

Finding Her

I’ve been having crazy dreams lately.

Last night – I was looking for my bunni. I had a party at my grandparents’ house out in the country and I had a few too many drinks, got in Betty, and drove off down the country roads – determined to find my bunni. I “woke up” in the morning of my dream world and my dad was making breakfast. He gazed at me with tired, sad eyes and asked, “How often do you do that? Get drunk and think she’s still here?” “I don’t have to be drunk, dad, I look for her all the time.” I bit into one of my dad’s wonderful egg sammiches and contemplated in my dream … remembering the desperation of peering through my headlights into the darkness of the cornfields, hoping to see my bunni coming running toward Betty&I.

Sometimes I wonder what my dreams mean … why I’m looking for her … why she pops up in the middle of my sleep … what it means that sometimes I can’t find her. Is she trying to tell me something? That she doesn’t want me to find her? That she’s gone somewhere she can’t be found? Is she trying to tell me to stop looking? I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll always miss her and love her and with I could find her again. I’ll always search for her face in crowds and relate so many of my moments to the ones I had with her. I just hope my next dream is one with her beside me – holding my hand – and allowing us to be bunni&I for a night.

Breakfast&Grandparents

Sunday morning – after gaining an extra hour of sleep from daylight savings time – grandpa decided to make frenchtoast&sausage for breakfast. I sat at the island in the kitchen watching him and grandma work on the delicious smelling yumyums.

They are too cute – the way they work together …bumping into each other and asking questions the other one can’t hear or respond to. Grandma starts a task and grandpa finishes it (like usual). And eventually the table is set and the meal is ready.

 Any meal at gma&gpa’s is wonderful and this breakfast was no exception, so Mr.U&I enjoyed quite a few pieces of cinnamon french toast before heading back to our side of the state.

Matching Couches

I found two couches that match two of the couches at my grandparents’ in the same frat house. I wanted to steal them. The couches at grandma&grandpa’s have been my bed so many times. Funny, the comfort you find in a simple resting place like a couch.

(Or, davenport, as my great-grandma used to call them.)

Grandma Eggs

I love to have poached eggs with my grandma.And I really need to get one of these adorable egg poaching pans.

Cards, Fog, & Cake

Another weekend spent with the grandparents.
We had Spaghetti&SweetCorn Friday night then I passed out reading my book on the front porch after a riveting game of cards.When I woke up in the morning to the sunrise, fog was rolling in over the neighbor’s pond – the start to a day full of errands and celebrations.(A 50th wedding anniversary party for my father’s parents and a 70th birthday party for my aunt’s mother.)
I indulged in one delicious piece of Cake&ButterCreamFrosting before all the festivities were over.

Shucks, Grandpa

I’ve never shucked corn before.

Not quite sure how that’s possible since I grew up in ‘the country,’ but I haven’t, so my grandpa showed me how this past weekend.

It’s pretty easy – and worth it for the deliciousness of sweet corn.

I’d learn anything my grandpa was willing to teach me.

Dough Masterpiece

Doughnuts will forever remind me of my grandparents.

– The classic Hinkles cream-filled we enjoyed –

– The powdered sugar mounds from the U.P.’s Marquette –
– The sugary sweetness of those discovered on Florida’s Gulf Coast –
So, the other Saturday when I woke up craving doughnuts, the first people who popped into my mind were grandma&grandpa who would happily join me on my DownRiver search for a classic doughnut shop with homemade goodness. After three stops, I found Dough Boys and the diner-like curb-appeal immediately assured me I’d found what I wanted. I walked in and inhaled the glorious scent of doughnut, eyeing the wall of wracks filled with creamy, frosted masterpieces.
Since I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted, I ordered three from the roly-poly man behind the counter and raced home to dig in – combining my favorite parts of the three (cream filling, chocolate frosting, and apple cinnamon topping) to create the definition for my craving.
Then devoured it.
And loved every second of it.
And sent my grandparents some pictures – wishing they were enjoying the indulgence with me.

Family Reunion

This weekend was the memorial for my great grandma, which basically turned into a family reunion. My little nephew was there being as adorable as ever and my dad was manning the grill to perfect burgers for the entire crew. Some relatives I’d never met came out of the woodwork and some of my grandma’s old friends charmed me with stories&photos. The weather was beautiful. The food was delicious. Another successful day at my grandma&grandpa’s.

Oldies' YOLO

Now that my grandpa is up&runnin’ again, he’s been spoiling himself and my grandma like crazy. They both got brand new iPads and sit next to each other on the porch of their old, farmhouse playing word-searches and scrolling facebook. They’ve been treating people to dinner, having anyone over whenever anyone wants to come, and making sure they enjoy all the little moments. The ultimate spoil came in the form of a Mitsubishi convertible, though, with a personalized license place of grandma’s name. Now the keep finding excuses to go for drives. And all I can think is: after 74 years of life and 53 years of marriage, they can do whatever they like. They’ve got a YOLO sticker on their truck and more toys&gadgets than any couple actually needs, but who cares – they’ve made it this far with surprisingly few bumps and bruises, so I approve of anything that continues their happiness.

Quirky Parade

The 4th of July parade in my vacation town is an excuse for the locals&tourists to make random floats, wear ridiculous outfits, and showcase whatever happens to seem interesting on a doupled-up tour around the streets of downtown.

Everyone throws out penny-candy
– some hand out sodas, popsicles, and necklaces –
then some just wave&honk their horns.
It’s always a silly spectacle, but an enjoyable tradition nonetheless.
This year, grandpa opted to camp out on our porch a couple blocks away instead of standing in our usual spot. It was weird to leave him, but I’d rather have him sit in the sunshine than exhaust himself.

UP Roadtrip

This year’s trip to the upper peninsula was a throw-back to high school when I drove up with my grandma&grandpa. Unlike years past, though, we had to make a few more stops, so they could get out and stretch their legs. I also did more driving with them than I’d ever done since grandpa was a little too tired to make the whole drive himself. It was so wonderful to get to spend 8 hours on the road with them – a couple stops at rest area I’d never been to and views I always love to encounter again.

Grandpa's Walks

Nothing can keep my grandpa down.

He’s already out walking the wooded trails on their property.

Such an active man.

Trooper Love

My grandparents owned an Isuzu Trooper when I was growing up.
“You’re such a little Trooper.” my grandma would say when I’d join them on their hikes through the woods or countryside.
I remember being so proud of myself …I was their “Twoopa.”
(obviously, I didn’t have my R’s down yet)
I think my love for boxy SUV’s started back then and I still get excited when I see Troopers on the road.

Mother's Day

Mother’s Day was at my mother’s mother’s home this year. We had all the favorite dishes – potato salad&baked beans – and some new goodies – fruit salsa&cinnamon chips that Mr.U&I had helped create the night before with my cousin at grandma&grandpas.
When we woke up in the morning we couldn’t find grandpa. He’d barricaded himself in the cream living room – putting together the race track for all the grandkids.
Too cute.
The house was put together with all its spring details – salt&pepper shakers, homemade bows, fresh flowers, & intricate serving trays.

I love days with my family. Sitting around laughing – eating too much – enjoying a little sunshine. It’s hard just to live 3 hours away from them these days… after grandpa’s health scare, I wouldn’t mind spending all my time at that old, farm house, watching him complete silly, little projects. If I had to head back to my far-away-home, though, I wanted a family picture to remember, so I forced the family onto the front porch, set up the tripod, and snapped a few good shots – one of which now hangs by my desk at work.
I’m lucky to get to look at them every day now.

QueenBeeBirthday

My grandmother is a pretty popular lady.
Even at 73 people go out of their way to send her birthday cards.

And – now that she’s on facebook – her wall was covered in birthday wishes.
She’s touched a lot of people over the years through her days as a school bus driver, step-aerobic attendee, and camp counselor.
I’m very proud that I can claim her as my grandma, sleep over at her house, call her just to chitchat, and share inside jokes with her.
She’s one special lady.

Return to Me

I don’t even want to think about the weeks I thought I’d lost him. I just want to enjoy every minute I’m still allowed to have with him. Grandpa is flying home tomorrow with my beautiful grandma and headstrong uncle by his side. It makes me cry just to know I get to hug him again and I absolutely cannot wait. My hero – the most amazing man in the entire world – is awake, talking, walking, showering, eating, and coming home.

Yellow Notes

I found these notes while packing up my room yesterday.“I’ve been crying when you’re not looking, so you won’t know how upset I am to leave. I’m not sure why, cause I know out of anyone in my life, you two aren’t gonna judge me – not for my thoughts, clothes, weight, or silly bouts of sadness. You’d think with how easily I can be sassy&sily, that expressing those sad moments wouldn’t be so tough. But they are… I’ve been sad for about a year. Ignoring, running, crying when no ones looking. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been happy too, but never as happy as I’ve been these weeks. I’m so glad I got to spend these weeksish with you. I wish I could stop time and stay here with you two without consequence forever. But… real life is unavoidable… and someday, when I get to be a retiree, I’ll appreciate these moments even more.
Grandma, you’ve taught me since I can remember how to love with such a carefree spirit – unconditional love from deep in my heart even when the recipient may not deserve it. And, though frustrating at times, I adore that trait in both of us.
Grandpa, hearing&seeing your reaction to that movie broke my heart. You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known with the biggest heart to hold it together. Anyone honored enough to hear you speak a word should feel lucky. I could never tell you enough how proud I am to claim you as my grandpa…”
I’m not sure how I finished it, but these were notes for a goodbye letter I wrote to my grandparents after camping with them in Florida last winter. I can’t even remember how long I stayed, but it felt like a lifetime of perfection. They rented me a yellow bike so we could ride around in the sunshine. We played cards, watched movies, ate my aunt&uncle’s homemade jam&sausages. We laughed so hard my belly throbbed and my cheeks tired from smiling. We’d seen The King’s Speech and it had impacted both of them so tenderly.
I remember packing up Betty at our campsite in Oscar Scherer State Park and feeling the biggest lump of sadness welling up in my throat – I knew how special our moments had been – how rare&pristine. Not every grandchild can share the bonds I’ve come to rely on – not every grandchild can be as lucky as me. My grandpa recoded my giggle on his cellphone – trying to remain big&strong, he’d quietly told grandma how much he’d miss it while I stood outside the camper. His sweet, little words made my heart ache to leave. I meant every word I said in that letter and I’d go back to those moments in a heartbeat if allowed.

Prepare to Ride

I’m sure it sounds super morbid, but I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the worst with my grandpa – even though he’s had 2.5 good days in a row now. I don’t want my hopes to be soaring high then crash to the earth and shatter if the Lord decides to take him. But, I’ll admit, that my attempt to convince myself ‘I’ll be alright’ proved failing last night as I drove home from dinner with my cousin.
A text from my dad had put me on edge. Why did he want me home? What did he need to say? What didn’t I want to hear? My stomach knotted and my eyes welled the entire route. When the news was good – I burst into tears anyway. Assuming the worst sets me up in advance to accept the things I must – but, obviously, I’d rather my assumptions be wrong.
Successful dialysis and breathing on his own this morning – my family surrounding him to ensure he wakes up calm&comfortable. I currently wait at the peak of the roller costar anticipating the upcoming St.Patty’s Day celebrations.This is one of my grandparents’ many Christmas ornaments.
The little radio gives a news bulletin about Santa being “spotted over head.”
It reminds me of waiting to hear the “Grandpa Updates” right now.

Silent Updates

These ups&downs in grandpa's updates are killing me.
one day he’s better – the next he’s worse
one day he’s gone – the next he’s back
It’s frustrating to be so far away with so much uncertainty.
Yesterday, we got great news that they removed the pump in his heart and it was beating on its own. He’s also reduced from 100% oxygen to 40%. I texted my grandma – who’s begging me not to accept the job I have a 2nd interview for this Friday in order to come&care for her&gpa – that every single ounce of my love is in Florida. “I can’t wait to tell him that.” She responded and I burst into tears. Her hope gives me hope.
But everyone’s hope makes Mr.U ache. I was frustrated by his simple&subdued responses to my “Grandpa Updates” …then I stopped and thought about it. Six years ago on St.Patty’s Day, he lost his dad to cancer. He’s been through these ups&downs – more often and longer than I’ve been worried for grandpa – and his roller costar ride ended at the bottom. The last thing I want to do at this time of year is make him upset, so I’m trying to direct my worry elsewhere and focus on making Mr.U’s St.Patty’s Day 2012 wonderful. Beer – Brownies – Burritos for all who come to celebrate the holiday with us.
With grandpa’s kidney dialysis today, though, I’m still definitely worried.