Chronological Things

Israel Coke in EpcotCar Notes from my SistersChinese Buffet with Bunni’s DadBrown Trees in the FallAntique Furniture at Gma&Gpa’sHoliday Boxes piled upArtwork for my #BFFBright&Comfy CardigansFoam on top of my StarbucksMickey Mouse’s HeadBoxes packed to Move

Tiger Fever

I’m uncharacteristically excited for baseball season now that I know I’ll be living in the same town as a major league baseball team for once in my life.Last summer, my little’s parents took her&I to a Tiger’s game in Detroit. It was hot, the food&beer were overpriced, and the fans around us were annoying. But her dad’s energy made the day worth enjoying. I feel like I’ve caught the game-day-bug and I hope I can love Tiger’s games half as much as he did, cause I have a feeling that I’ll be at a few next season.

Sammich Sunday

I finally got to cook Mr.U my famous Egg Sammich this past weekend while we were dog-sitting at my brother’s house. I paired it with some delicious spicy hashbrowns – like the ones we get at our favorite breakfast spot: Nina's.
It’s always fun to play house with him and act all domesticated.

Pitcher Night

One of my favorite bars in college was this smoky, hole-in-the-wall tavern called Waldo’s right across from the university’s track. They have pitcher night every Thursday and Vodka Cranberry’s were my specialty. I spent my 1st Bar Night back after bunni’s death in the basement surrounded by the brothers of Delta Chi, my senior bar crawl hunkered down in a booth with my sisters carving “AlphaO loves DeltSig” on the table, and my 22nd birthday throwing up in my own lap next to my brother on the back patio. Countless Friday mornings were spent suffering from a Waldo’s Thursday night in my hangover letters. I’ve never not enjoyed my time there, though – whether or not everything ran smoothly.
So, last night, #bff&I decided to take her DJ out for his first Waldo’s experience. I’ll admit that most nights there are completely blurry in my memory, but we showed up basically sober and I got to soak in my surroundings. Carpet on the walls, coins between the wood table and its glass top, cracked plastic pitchers full of any mix drink one’s little heart desires… I love it in any state of mind.

Processed Preservatives

Though I’m not a practicing Catholic, I enjoy fasting for Lent. So throughout Fat Tuesday I contemplated what I planned to give up. Barbie’s giving up hot chocolate – which she drinks daily – and ice cream. I tend to eat a healthy diet as it is, though, meaning to give up something like ice cream would be silly for me, because I only eat it a few times a year.
Thus, I decided on “processed foods.” And I guess I should have recited a definition because everyone – especially Mr.U – finds the fast to be mindboggling. Basically, I intend to give up food with preservatives and focus on foods who’s main ingredient match what the item “should be.”
Example: Natural Peanut Butter – the only ingredient is peanuts. No, peanut butter doesn’t form in nature, so it is technically “processed” but not with preservatives and artificial sweeteners. Anything I make myself from “scratch” is technically “processed” but I know what’s inside it.
Also, I emphasize foods – wine&dietcoke are not foods. Catching on?
So yesterday – Ash Wednesday, February 22, 2012 – I started Lent. I honestly don’t feel this will be too difficult, but, we’ll see. I’ll have to give up my Nature Valley granola bar addiction…

Good Article

Ashes&Dust

Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.
—Genesis 3:19

i REALLY do

I grew up watching ‘I Love Lucy.”
My parents didn’t have a lot of money to buy us all the newest cartoons on VHS and I’m sure we didn’t have any special TV stations, so my mom videotaped “I Love Lucy” and “Gilligan’s Island” episodes off my grandparents' TV for us to watch.
I can still hear the old commercials whenever I think about it – 21 Jump Street previews, ITT Tech ads, Arsineo Hall clips. Within the first 5 minutes of an “I Love Lucy” episode I know which one it is and can probably quote every line. Needless to say: Lucy reminds me of my childhood – my mom baking cookies in the kitchen and my brothers spreading legos across the living room floor.
I’ve said forever that I want my children to grow up on Lucy and now that I’m a proud owner of the entire “I Love Lucy” series, that will definitely happen.

Air Flow

Sometimes
I feel
like a simple breeze
...floating...
in&out
of existance
-I've been here so long-
.yet I've always been gone.

Making Do

There was a point in time when I didn't mind this place.

Morning Glimpse

We already played house over Christmas break, then we got to play again this weekend.
Being the early bird I am, I woke up on Saturday morning and wanted breakfast, but Mr.U was still a sleepybear – of course. Once he’d finally moved, our casino trip wasn’t too far away in time, so breakfast would simply ruin our buffet appetites. Thus, we decided just to walked down the street for some fountain pops and a news paper.
As I sipped my Diet Coke and giggled at the comics, he sat in the sunshine of the living room, picture window and read the paper – mumbling highlights here&there.
The moment made me smile.
Our simplicity makes me happy.
A brisk walk in the calm of a chilly morning is all I really need sometimes and the comfort of his presence is enough to make any tension in my mind momentarily ease.

Unexpected Changes

I won’t be making this morning commute for too much longer. After over a month of waiting to hear if I’d be hired full-time for the temporary position I currently fill, my boss informed me last Friday that they’ve chosen another candidate.
Blindsided.
I’ve been training in the role for over 5 months.
But, I suppose it isn’t a complete surprise. I don’t exactly “fit in” with these women and I know catty-female-politics play more of a role than the actual abilities of employees, so I’ll count it as a blessing in disguise that I can search for a job I’ll enjoy for both the requirements&coworkers.
I can’t say I didn’t panic, though – almost threw up at my desk and asked to take a half day – but I saved the anger&resentment until I’d left our informative meeting. As her eyes welled up with tears assuring me it had been “the hardest decision” she’d ever made (which I believe to be complete bullshit) I blankly stared at her: emotionless. None of them deserve to know what’s going on inside my head.
I’ll finish out my next 5 weeks and look forward to my future with Mr.U. A move across the state, a job hunt in a brand new town, and a home to make our own is what will truly make me happy in the end anyway. (and, I already knew that this outcome was what he’d been secretly hoping for.)

Gamblin' Girl

I’m not a gambler.
I can’t even spend $5 on a new shirt, let alone put $5 into a machine and leave it to chance whether or not I’ll get my money back. But Mr.U’s mom wanted to take him, RickyBobby, and me to the Motor City casino for a little buffet&gambling this weekend and I couldn’t exactly say “no.” She gave us $100 to do what we wanted with: save it all, save some, or gamble it. I, of course, wanted to save most of it. So we agreed to split it in half. After filling ourselves on the buffet, we wandered onto the smoke-filled casino floor and scoped out the most appealing machines. RickyBobby had instant success with the “The Wizard of Oz” and I finally loaded $1 into a penny one. Once I’d “doubled my money” – i.e. made it past $2 – I cashed out and we searched for a machine that enticed Mr.U. He turned a $20 into $50 after hopping from one shiny slot to the next before cashing out, then we agreed to both spend $5 more. He lost his right away, so I determinedly ended up with $10 to replace the $5 he’d lost.
I think it’s safe to say that I could never “gamble all our money away” with how strategically I went about the entire afternoon, but it was fun to try and I’d probably do it again. If only I had the luck of RickyBobby who turned her $20 into $70 during our quick casino tour.

Strawberries&Oats

It was my dessert week for our Thursday night Dessert&Revenge.
I knew I wanted to make strawberry shortcake – Barbie had been mentioning it for weeks and after a failed attempt to enjoy some at the on-campus caf I was craving it like crazy. So, I looked up a billion different recipes trying to find healthy options and settled on a dark-brown sugar&oat shortcake with sugared strawberries and light whipped-cream.
When the girls arrived, I had the bowls ready in excitement and – I must admit – the dessert was absolutely delicious.

Our World

"At the start of our relationship, I transitioned from our sorority Historian into the coveted role of Vice President, which she'd proudly held the previous year. We were “together” but not to our sisters. They wouldn’t understand. Especially since she hadn’t even been “out” to the chapter for long and her “outing” stemmed from a short-lived fuck-fest she found herself in with another of our sisters. Going from one housemate to her roommate in a matter of months was too much for these girls to comprehend. So we quietly enjoyed each other. Every night – behind the closed door of our balcony room – we climbed into a loft together and intertwined our bodies …only to wake up and face the world as “roommates” in the morning.
This lead into the most dramatic Christmas Break of my life, though. I’d been babysitting for my boss and missed her endless phonecalls. She’d outed us. Then regretted it and driven to the slut’s house in an effort to make things right. I pulled Betty into a downtown parkinglot – overlooking the riverfront – and cried. I’d loved the world we lived in. Our secrets downplayed my questions. She was openly sleeping with a sister and I was still in love with my boyfriend – I didn’t have to acknowledge us… I didn’t have to recognize the nightly affair occurring behind our bedroom door as the emotionally confusing situation that it was. But, with her un-thought and un-planned confession, “we” were suddenly in my face. I found myself staring down a relationship that I’d ignored the beginning of – and now I had to deal with it ...question what I wanted from it.
I don’t know what changed her mind – or when she actually changed it. The same week of her blow-up or months down the road? But eventually we lost our 3rd wheel and simply became us. I went to stay with her before that Christmas Break had ended. I bought new body butter and made sure to smell as exceptionally enticing for my 3-hour drive to her childhood bedroom. I felt nervously excited and perfectly content all at once. I’d told my boyfriend: “I’m in love with my roommate.” He’d laughed. He sent her a message telling her to take care of me until I came to my senses. My sense had come in the form of my bunni, though. My life began when we began. Our life was all we needed now – we’d take care of each other.
“They weren’t there beneath your stare – and they weren’t stripped till they were bare of any bindings from the world outside that room. And they weren’t taken by the hand – lead through fields of naked land where any preconceived ideas were thrown away. Where I couldn’t say no.”
Missy Higgins lyrics became the definitions of my emotions. When I couldn’t explain myself – I played her a song. “I couldn’t say no to you, girl. I knew ‘the world outside that room’ would never be the same having started what we started…”"
-excerpt from my 'novel'

Subdued Suggestions

I’ve been treated quite poorly by a few people over the past 5 years of my life. Not just friends taking advantage of me either. I’ve been stalked – kicked – harassed – shoved – had my privacy completely invaded and personal items stolen. I’ve listened to voicemail after voicemail of insults and deleted text after text of hideous, hurtful comments.
Yet that’s exactly how I attempt to “deal with things” – erase them. I’d rather cut a person out than drag up the drama. I’d rather keep my personal life private and downplay the issues than spew my problems out to all my friends. Unfortunately, though, this only minimizes the severity of my pain to those around me. Since I don’t showcase my emotions and the trauma that I’ve felt, it’s assumed that my frustrations aren’t worth anyone’s worry.
I never plan to change the way I deal. I don’t like to tell everyone everything that someone’s done to hurt me. I don’t want to replay the issues and make sure everyone hears the nasty things I’ve gone through, but it would nice if people would take my subdued emotions to heart instead of assuming that my lack of publicity means they can be ignored.
It honestly hurts me to have friends who hold on to people who’ve hurt me. I understand those friends haven’t been hurt themselves and that I’ve not given every detail of the awful things I’ve been forced to experience alone, but isn’t it enough to realize that I am hurt and it's probably for good reason. I just don't think I should have to relive to make others realize.

Pizza Cups

Mr.U&I don’t mind staying in and being lame if it means we get to spend quality time together. With his busy schedule, Valentine’s Day and our 1 Month Anniversary became the perfect opportunity to order in, watch movies, and snuggle an evening away.
Ironically, I found myself enjoying the exact same Valentine’s meal of one spent with bunni 3 years ago (ColdStone IceCream CupCakes & StuffedCrust Pizza). And instead of feeling that familiar lump of pain&sadness in my throat, I laughed&ate and felt completely at peace with this man whose stolen my heart.
Some memories will never fade – but, though I loved them entirely, I can enjoy them in new ways with someone who loves me just as much and makes me just as happy.

The cupcakes had rings on them (big, obnoxious, heart-shaped rings) and with a pink&white polka-dotted one he asked me to spend forever with him.

Changing Fear

It's amazing to me how emotions can change - things I'd finally grown to accept turn into irrelevancies - the life I thought I'd lead morphs - the love I'd rendered forever unattainable can be found in an entirely new way.

"We were absurdly happy. Full of that obnoxious, sappy romance that oozed out and sickened the people around us. That achy, sinking feeling when I had to fall asleep without her. That early morning nuzzling that rendered us completely unaware of the day in front of us and the productive plans the rest of the world had.
I’ve come to accept the fact that I’ll undoubtedly never feel that way again – I’ll never be so swept away and wrapped up – so unaware that life could have been or ever would be different from the love-soaked living we’d found ourselves inside. And I’m ok with that acceptance. The moments we had and the emotions we shared could last a million lifetimes over and still sweetly cling to the back of my neck without ever losing their luster. I could live forever inside the memories we shared.
Sometimes… I fear I really will."
-Excerpt from my 'Novel' (obviously written a while ago...)

Frat Life

Saturday Night spent around the Beer Pong Table.