Our World

"At the start of our relationship, I transitioned from our sorority Historian into the coveted role of Vice President, which she'd proudly held the previous year. We were “together” but not to our sisters. They wouldn’t understand. Especially since she hadn’t even been “out” to the chapter for long and her “outing” stemmed from a short-lived fuck-fest she found herself in with another of our sisters. Going from one housemate to her roommate in a matter of months was too much for these girls to comprehend. So we quietly enjoyed each other. Every night – behind the closed door of our balcony room – we climbed into a loft together and intertwined our bodies …only to wake up and face the world as “roommates” in the morning.
This lead into the most dramatic Christmas Break of my life, though. I’d been babysitting for my boss and missed her endless phonecalls. She’d outed us. Then regretted it and driven to the slut’s house in an effort to make things right. I pulled Betty into a downtown parkinglot – overlooking the riverfront – and cried. I’d loved the world we lived in. Our secrets downplayed my questions. She was openly sleeping with a sister and I was still in love with my boyfriend – I didn’t have to acknowledge us… I didn’t have to recognize the nightly affair occurring behind our bedroom door as the emotionally confusing situation that it was. But, with her un-thought and un-planned confession, “we” were suddenly in my face. I found myself staring down a relationship that I’d ignored the beginning of – and now I had to deal with it ...question what I wanted from it.
I don’t know what changed her mind – or when she actually changed it. The same week of her blow-up or months down the road? But eventually we lost our 3rd wheel and simply became us. I went to stay with her before that Christmas Break had ended. I bought new body butter and made sure to smell as exceptionally enticing for my 3-hour drive to her childhood bedroom. I felt nervously excited and perfectly content all at once. I’d told my boyfriend: “I’m in love with my roommate.” He’d laughed. He sent her a message telling her to take care of me until I came to my senses. My sense had come in the form of my bunni, though. My life began when we began. Our life was all we needed now – we’d take care of each other.
“They weren’t there beneath your stare – and they weren’t stripped till they were bare of any bindings from the world outside that room. And they weren’t taken by the hand – lead through fields of naked land where any preconceived ideas were thrown away. Where I couldn’t say no.”
Missy Higgins lyrics became the definitions of my emotions. When I couldn’t explain myself – I played her a song. “I couldn’t say no to you, girl. I knew ‘the world outside that room’ would never be the same having started what we started…”"
-excerpt from my 'novel'