Panic Mode

“God gave me you for the ups&downs.
God gave me you for the days of doubt.”
-Blake Shelton “God Gave Me You”
So, I have a tendency to go into panic mode. My biggest meltdowns tend to revolve around school&money – little else gets to me in life – but loans&college credits make my stomach turn and my eyes well up with little effort. This morning was a whole other level of panic mode when I got my Spring 2012 graduation audit back.
Before my bunni passed, I was on track for a 4-year bachelors degree with a double major in Anthropology & Global Studies minoring in Geography. Then, instead of graduating that spring, I took 3 Phys Ed classes through the Recreation Department and pretended like reality didn’t exist, which did not motivate me to get the degrees I’d already completed the required credits for – so I packed up and ran away to Disney World. Don’t get me wrong – the escape, I honestly believe, saved my life… but on a productivity level, I was simply wasting time. Finally, I decided to complete my education, meaning I had to pick up a few credits at the university before they would let me graduate after disappearing on them.
This morning, though, I learned I was one course short – one random course of my choice – and, of course, the drop/add date for this semester has already come&gone. My stomach turned and I started balling at my desk – instead of thinking of a rational solution to the problem, I lunged into panic mode and convinced myself my world was ending while I texted Mr.U. “I’m going to die. I’m one class short. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pay for more of this. I can’t take out loans. I’m going to die.” Calmly he responded: “We’ll figure it out.”
The evil Asian bitch didn’t end up letting me late add – so I have one stupid class to take in summer 1… but Mr.U didn’t let me let the issue get me down, emphasizing all the good: it’s not like I planned to leave the area before July anyway – I’ll be much less busy now without the added credits – I’ll *hopefully* be hired-in & receiving tuition reimbursement by then… and so on.
Blake Shelton’s “God Gave Me You” song has been playing on repeat in my head for days and I can’t express how blessed I feel to have Mr.U in my life. He calms me, makes me laugh till my belly aches, brings me back down to earth, and builds me up when I’m too hard on myself. I honestly think I’m the luckiest girl in the world – even when I so easily slip into panic mode.