When I became the president of my chapter, I made the conscious decision to make it my top priority. My sisters and our chapter came before all else - including my downward spiraling girlfriend (who, I'd like to add, was the top proponent for my presidency). Though I tried to hold on to her, I'd taken an oath to love, care for, protect, and lead my chapter.
Thus, when it becomes painfully obvious to me that I've never been the priority for my sister I get really frustrated and feel really guilty that I neglected my bunni for people who have no problem neglecting me.
From things as simple as responding to a dinner-date invitation or actually following through on plans made, I take it personally when I'm put on the back burner. Maybe I'm hyper sensitive. Maybe I put her in places and situations she has nothing to do with. But I cant help but wondering that if I'd chosen bunni over the people who rarely chose to chose me, I may still have her to comfort me when these blow offs get me all worked up.
This mostly makes me realize that I have to stop caring so much. Not every canceled plan will result in a self-inflicted gun shot. Not every problem I can't solve will be as detrimental as some problems were. Not every unchangeable or failed moment is a direct result of my actions. Meaning, I shouldn't be so hard on myself to bend over backwards for my sister. And I should quit expecting that they'd ever do the same for me.
I am a product of my experiences, but not every experience will turn out the way certain ones did.
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