Silent Thoughts

I know that I've successfully shut myself off

when I wake up and realize

that I haven't spoken to anyone in days.

I distract my mind with a million random "other things"

and

shut in all messiness that's trying to seep through my thoughts.

This month gets me.

I know - I know - we all know

...

sometimes I'm sure I can hear the world telling me:

shut the fuck up and get over it already.

I'd rather not hear it out loud from anyone

though

so I'll lock the door to my mind

-

keeping everything out of reach

from those who'd roll their eyes in irritation.

But just because my mouth is shut

doesn't mean I'm not aching.

And just because my face is strong

and

my eyes are blank

doesn't mean what's behind them isn't melting.

I'm sure November will forever feed on my soul.

And I'll survive.

But a part of me breaks away

and

holds itself within this month.