This years...

Maybe I’m blocking it out so well this year because this year is full of regret. The past two, I was simply sad. This year, whenever I think about her, I barely even miss her… I just get mad at myself. I just think about how pathetic it is for me to be missing her 3 years later, when I could have saved her and not be missing her at all. I can’t stop thinking about how wonderful she was and how easy it would have been to talk her off that ledge and get her help. I can’t stop thinking about how much I wish I could take that last month and get my shit together for her. All too often I wake up and look at my phone thinking I’ll have a missed call from her. But that’s impossible, because I answered her last phone call and basically told her to get over herself and figure out how to treat me better before she called back. Now she never will. I shouldn’t be allowed to peacefully miss her. I’m the one who let her go.