Healthy's Sake

I wanted to make a conscious effort when I started seeing Mr.U not to let the insecurities with my body get in the way. I wanted to be confident in public and confident in bed – and at the time I definitely wasn’t.
So I planned to shed a little.
Mentions turned to conversations – his obsession with healthy eating and daily workouts brought back my obsession with little eating and vigorous cardio.
I never wanted him to look at me as fragile or needy or falling apart. I never wanted him to think of me as depriving myself or inflicting pain.
But, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t before and I wouldn’t again.
I should have kept my mouth shut.





I do genuinely love food.
Breakfast –
Salads –
Mexican –
Chinese –
MashedPotatoes&Corn&Gravy –
ChocolateChipCookies –
PeanutButterPie –
FrenchFries
And I do honestly hate to diet&obsess.

But I was raised by a mother who was raised by a mother who harbored a legitimate fear of “being fat” and no matter the portion, no matter the exercise, no matter the effort – I can feel it building and the fear slithers through my brain like an earthworm escaping water.
Thus, despite my impulsive desire to shield Mr.U from “my issues,” they’ve snuck their way to the surface anyway (not in their darkest entirety, but enough). And I strongly dislike even the idea of his knowledge.
The New Year will introduce our new diet&exercise regimen (I joined his gym finally) and I’ll once again attempt to stifle the beasts within.
For his sake and our sake, my insecurities cannot find their way into 2012.